I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
