she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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