The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
