I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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