I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
