I think my fart just growled at me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
