Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
