It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
