You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
