I am in a vortex of obligation.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
