I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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