You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
