Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The uberlube is also flammable
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
