i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Houston, we have a squirter
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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