Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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