i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
