Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's blow job season.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Cover your peen. We're going out.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
