omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
