So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
