I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
