you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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