you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
