I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
