did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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