I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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