Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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