Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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