I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
