Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
