I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
