Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
