well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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