Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
