He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
