thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize