Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
