accomplished twins. life is a go
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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