bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
