A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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