Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
