I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
