I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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