Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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