When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
