come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
