i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
