My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Randomize
