SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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