That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
