Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
