I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i think i have two assholes
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
