I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
