Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
