he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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