My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
