Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.

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(443): View more from Maryland

My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...

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(419): View more from Ohio

Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?

(1-419): View more from Ohio

Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.

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