Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
