I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
