wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
