What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize