Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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