apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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