and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
