You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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