jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
