im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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