This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
