The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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