Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize