Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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